


this fear's got a hold on me

by jayyxx



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: M/M, Season 2 Episode 5, overuse of the word "fuck"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 05:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6271951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayyxx/pseuds/jayyxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn’t even know what he’s getting out of this. He doesn’t know if George is just drawing his attention, or if he seriously wants to be around him. He doesn’t know if he wants to fuck the guy, or just kiss his stupid face for making him feel this way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this fear's got a hold on me

**Author's Note:**

> are these two even a pairing? why did i write this

_If we suddenly fall should I scream out_  
_Or keep very quiet and cling to my mouth as I’m crying_  
_So frightened of dying_  
_Relax, yes, I’m trying_  
_But fear's got a hold on me_

_White Lies - Death_

 

Alex likes girls. He likes smooth skin, and curves, and long hair. He likes the flirting, loves the chase, lives for the sex, but college girls are just too much. They complain when you’re not there the next morning, text you constantly, always wanting to hold your hand. It’s work, and Alex has enough work as it is.

The other interns are all adults. All up for adult things like drinking and talking about Izzie’s lingerie ad, and probably up for casual at-work sex with no promise of a relationship. It’s _awesome._

Stevens is beautiful. Long blonde hair, tall, thin. Totally model material and Alex _loves_ that. He wants his hands all over her. Oh, and Grey. Beautiful, bright eyed, soft to the touch. But she's too much work. The on and off with the Attending, who can keep up with that? Then Yang, brash, tough, probably loves rough sex, and just so pretty — but won’t let him come close enough to touch.

And all the girls want to do is work. Surgery this, clinical that. He studied this for way to damn long, and is just ready to be in the real world. But this is all about learning, and growing as a surgeon and God. It’s so much work. 

So he works with O’Malley in hopes that he’ll give him tips. The kid lives with these girls for christ sake, if anyone should know, its him. But he’s different too. George doesn’t want to talk about the girls. He wants to talk about Alex. 

He wants to know what kind of restaurants he likes, and what movies he watches, what books he reads. “How many siblings do you have, Alex? Where’d you grow up, Alex? Did you enjoy U of I, Alex?” The kid doesn’t shut up, and you know what? Alex fucking likes it. 

Alex likes it when he smiles, goofy and wide. When he taps his foot when he’s impatient and when he accidentally drinks out of Alex’s coffee mug, only to say sorry and blush pink. He’s pretty. Pretty eyes, pretty hair, pretty hands. Alex likes his voice and his loyalty to patients and how he treats the girls and _everything about him._

He doesn’t even know what he’s getting out of this. He doesn’t know if George is just drawing his attention, or if he seriously wants to be around him. He doesn’t know if he wants to fuck the guy, or just kiss his stupid face for making him feel this way. 

George makes him happy, brings out the best in him, all other times except now. 

He’s confused, and scared, and George is begging him to stay with him. The elevator is stuck between two floors and Burke is yelling through the little bit of space the door will open. The patient’s BP is dropping and he can feel himself panicking. They can’t be serious? They want to cut into this guy while they’re stuck in an elevator? Hell no. 

“Alex, please.” George begs, eyes wide and scared. God. He’s so beautiful, even like this. He takes the scalpel from Burkes hand between the doors, and is now wiping down the patients chest. Alex rocks on his feet a bit because holy shit. George is going to cut him open, put his hands into this guy’s body and he probably still has cheese dust on his fingers from the bag of chips he ate before this. He keeps pumping the ventilator even if he has trouble breathing himself as he watches the knife in George’s hand. 

“Karev.” Burke says from the floor above them, but he won’t stop watching him. His hand over his eyes, his fingers a little shaky, but good enough for the situation. Burke calls his name again and he can’t. This guy’s gonna die. He’s gonna die he’s gonna die he’s gonna…    George looks up and theres fucking blood on his hands, and his arms, and his scrubs. Alex starts panting, he can hear it. George's bright eyes don’t help. “Alex, please. You need to focus. Hold the flashlight, and focus.” He tells him and it’s a simple request. Hold the damn flashlight and pump the damn ventilator but he’s freaking out. His heart is beating in his ears, his hands are shaking the light that shines on the patients body. 

He’s gonna faint.

Maybe he says it in his head, maybe Burke says it, maybe George, who knows, who cares. 

“He’s gonna faint! Burke!” It’s George for sure this time, scared, scrambling. 

“O’Malley, everything is fine, talk to him, keep him calm ” Burke tells him, scared out of his mind. This isn’t supposed to happen. 

“Alex.” George says, slow and easy, “This will only take a second and we can get out of here, ok?” 

“He’s gonna die.” Is all he can respond with, his voice shaky.

“No, no, no he’s not. He’s gonna be just fine, as long as you pump the ventilator, okay? I need you to stay with me.” George says but he’s not looking. He’s cutting. He’s pushing his hand into the heart. Holy fucking hell. He pulls out the prongs and states “I removed a small clot from the pericardium. No obvious cardiac injuries…”

“Any change in the vitals?” Asks Burke. 

“BP is still to low to register on the monitor.” Says Alex, trying to help George as best as he can. Its the least he can do, for he feels like he’s frozen in place, forced to watch the kid do heart surgery in an elevator. 

“You need to cross-clamp the aorta.” Burke tells them and O’Malley gives a jerky nod. He reaches his hand up to take the clamp Burke hands him. Alex watches, dizzy. 

“Stick your hand in and dissect down, until you feel two tube-like structures…” Burke instructs. George does as told, the whole time trying to calm Alex down. “You’re okay, Alex, stay with me, we’re all gonna be fine.” He puts his hand in the guys fucking chest, and grabs the heart. “I feel one tube that’s easily collapsible, the other is… more muscular, and the spine is just underneath.”

“Yes, you’ve got it. Wrap your finger around it, and apply a clamp with your right hand.” Burke tells him, and he just does it. He puts his other hand into the chest, clamps down and says; “Got it.”

Alex wipes sweat off his forehead, and all he’s doing is holding a flashlight. O’Malley tells the chief that he found the bleed, that he’s plugging the wound with his finger. That the heart is beating stronger now. 

Alex hangs his head. George fucking O’Malley just preformed heart surgery in an elevator, all by himself. 

He can hear Burke say “tell the firemen to get my guys out of there.” 

His heart slows, he feels himself calm but damn, he feels like a failure. 

“Alex, you still with me?” George asks. He tries to meet his eyes, but he feels like crying. He fucked up so bad, made him go through this alone, stood there like a scared child and didn’t help, and now George is ducking his head, asking if he’s alright, telling him not to worry, they’ll get out soon. 

He doesn’t deserve any of this. He doesn't deserve George. 

O’Malley looks at him like he’s important, like he means something. 

George pulls his arm to his face and uses his teeth to rip off the glove on his left hand. He throws it at the end of the bed, and reaches up, putting a cold hand on Alex’s cheek. “It’s okay.” he says. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” 

Alex can’t help but nuzzle into his hand and the comfort he’s offering. “I’m sorry.” He tells him, quietly. 

“Not your fault.” Says George with a smile. 

 

The elevator lurches, and springs up, the door still half open and O’Malley’s hand still on Alex’s face. Burke takes over, using his hand to plug the hole in the heart and sending the boys to the locker room.

Alex follows like a puppy, wherever George leads. 

 

George is pulling his shirt over his head when it hits him. George has this guys blood all over his hands and he's acting like Alex is the scared one here. Which he is, but thats not the point. The whole damn time he should have been focusing on the patient; he was trying to keep Alex calm, saying nice things to him and telling him exactly what to do so Alex doesn’t even have to think. 

He’s standing in front of the mirror, looking down a the blood on his shirt when Alex sneaks behind him. He puts his forehead on the other man’s shoulder and waits. George turns, clearly surprised by Alex’s behaviour, but he lets him fall into him anyways. Alex’s arms are strong as they wind around George’s back. He holds on like he’s falling.

George wraps his arms around Alex’s shoulders, pressing him close. Alex is crying now, face pressed into his bare neck as he whispers he's sorry. Alex is finally touching George’s skin and he’s crying against it. Shitty. 

George holds him through it. Whispering in his ear. God. He fucked up, but George is still here, still gorgeous and kind and everything Alex wants. 

Alex kisses his shoulder before walking away. George lets him go.

**Author's Note:**

> im stupid and i know alex is the worlds straightest man but that episode killed me so i wrote this............ *hides*  
> my @ghostycas on tumblr if u wanna chat


End file.
